So in case you haven't already noticed..I will not type any actual names in my posts. Therefore, nicknames appropriate to each person will be given to them instead! However, the nicknames will be obvious enough to those who actually know me! ;)
In the current situation I have been in lately I have had to deal with the "little" aspect of my life, and he has been proven difficult. Once again there is the situation where I felt like it was all going to be so right and perfect, but definitely in the end it's quite the opposite! At times I feel held back, which is very unexpected...or somewhat unexpected...from said person. I am or have been stuck in this relationship that has rules and regulations for how things should go..and endless lists including directions that are to be precisely followed. Now honestly, who really would want to be in this kind of relationship?? I mean is that true love or true happiness?!...yeah, didn't think so! At the same time I have no clue what to do, because I HATE hurting people. I am also horrible with goodbyes because let's face it..people always leave. I hate that I seem to set myself up for disappointment quite a bit.
Recently brought up to the surface again is music man. I never really let myself realize how much I have missed him or missed how he made me feel. After getting to spend an amazing bit of time with him recently..everything flooded back. And now I guess he has picked up on my feelings about it all because he is taking great effort to ignore me. It sucks horribly but I guess he is trying to show me how much I hurt him. I understand that and it's only fair but I wish he could understand I am being true and genuine. I have tried to also display my feelings subtly, and of course not so subtly, all ending in the same failed attempts. So for now I have put it all on the table and it is in his hands.
Lastly we have Cali! This whole moment just brings a huge smile to my face!! This was some of the best couple of days I have ever experienced! I had such a blast and felt so free! It helped me reopen my eyes and just know what is really out there. That I don't have to settle and great things can be offered to be AND that I actually deserve said things! The huge downfall to this blissful feeling is that he lives all the way across the country. I still randomly will talk to him and could possibly before too long be getting another visit from him, but that is all it could ever be. However, just in those couple days a lot of my outlook changed. I could even feel the change. I was happier, I felt more confident and quite frankly like a bad ass (ha)!! And I actually knew things would all be ok. It all works out in the end!
I am now just going to let things go and everything just be. I am going to live everyday to its fullest and how I want to. I am going to make me happy..whatever that consists of! And just put everything completely into God's hands! I know everything happens for a reason so I will give a chance to let things happen..whatever they may be!
In the current situation I have been in lately I have had to deal with the "little" aspect of my life, and he has been proven difficult. Once again there is the situation where I felt like it was all going to be so right and perfect, but definitely in the end it's quite the opposite! At times I feel held back, which is very unexpected...or somewhat unexpected...from said person. I am or have been stuck in this relationship that has rules and regulations for how things should go..and endless lists including directions that are to be precisely followed. Now honestly, who really would want to be in this kind of relationship?? I mean is that true love or true happiness?!...yeah, didn't think so! At the same time I have no clue what to do, because I HATE hurting people. I am also horrible with goodbyes because let's face it..people always leave. I hate that I seem to set myself up for disappointment quite a bit.
Recently brought up to the surface again is music man. I never really let myself realize how much I have missed him or missed how he made me feel. After getting to spend an amazing bit of time with him recently..everything flooded back. And now I guess he has picked up on my feelings about it all because he is taking great effort to ignore me. It sucks horribly but I guess he is trying to show me how much I hurt him. I understand that and it's only fair but I wish he could understand I am being true and genuine. I have tried to also display my feelings subtly, and of course not so subtly, all ending in the same failed attempts. So for now I have put it all on the table and it is in his hands.
Lastly we have Cali! This whole moment just brings a huge smile to my face!! This was some of the best couple of days I have ever experienced! I had such a blast and felt so free! It helped me reopen my eyes and just know what is really out there. That I don't have to settle and great things can be offered to be AND that I actually deserve said things! The huge downfall to this blissful feeling is that he lives all the way across the country. I still randomly will talk to him and could possibly before too long be getting another visit from him, but that is all it could ever be. However, just in those couple days a lot of my outlook changed. I could even feel the change. I was happier, I felt more confident and quite frankly like a bad ass (ha)!! And I actually knew things would all be ok. It all works out in the end!
I am now just going to let things go and everything just be. I am going to live everyday to its fullest and how I want to. I am going to make me happy..whatever that consists of! And just put everything completely into God's hands! I know everything happens for a reason so I will give a chance to let things happen..whatever they may be!
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