welcome back!!

soo..after a loooong hiatus i decided that i would return and try to keep up with the blog again. i was recently reminded about my blog so it just sparked a renewed interest. i thought about deleting my last post because it has pretty harsh stuff in it but i decided against it. even though to some(one) it is pretty hurtful, it still shows what i was going through at the time. perhaps things would have turned out differently if that other person knew how hurt i was beginning to feel. as much as i shouldn't or for the simple fact that this was my decision, i think about him way too often and wonder what could have been. now i am getting the "payback is a bitch" treatment from him and it is bullshit even though i am sure i deserve it! i really do miss him and wonder if i made a mistake. i also wonder if he misses me or ever thinks about me. again this is something that i shouldn't even think about anymore, but i do and i cant help it!! i also am not wanting to regret anything or live in the past so i have to face my decision and just move on. its just really hard to do so when every little thing reminds me of him. oh i miss him!!
there is still that other "little" aspect in the picture. only very few times does it feel right anymore and for the first time i feel like i would be ok without it. i just don't know what to do now and honestly feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. maybe more like a tangled web!?ha. regardless, i am completely unsure of what the next step should be or even what i want it to be. i am just going to take each day as it comes and hope that i end up with the best outcome. i know in my heart what i want and i am ready to have it. i will just have to practice my patience!!